The Voice - Season 1

2011 saw the launch of two new American singing reality series bidding to overthrow the current ratings juggernaut, American Idol.  Neither have come close to achieving that ambitious goal, but both have had a fair amount of critical acclaim.  The first was The Voice, which concluded in June of this year and the second is the currently running X Factor USA.

Whilst you might already be watching X Factor USA, few people seem to be aware that The Voice is also currently showing on South African television. In fact on the South African television: SABC3.  And yes, if you have seen it, you may be forgiven for thinking the show is five years old, because the disturbingly grainy and visually dated version of the show on view certainly looks that way.

There are four judges, Adam Levine from Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green and the alleged country music star Blake Shelton. (Who is Cee Lo Green, you might ask? Those in the know would recognise him as the cat from the duo Gnarles Barkley. Shame on you if like me you actually though he WAS Gnarles Barkley...) Unlike X Factor, the judges are not just mentors, but also voice coaches.  Which is maybe a stretch for the likes of Adam Levine, but hey, he is pretty and charming enough to make for good television. At the very least he could teach his charges how to pretend to be a singer as well.  Which is certainly a talent on its own.

The premise of the show is annoyingly complex.  There are three rounds:  A blind round, where the judges choose their teams based purely on their voices; the battle phase, where the contestants sing duets against each other and beat each other senseless with microphones (slight dramatic licence there); and the final live performances, which is similar to what we see on all reality singing competitions, except that the weighting of the viewers votes has been reduced to only 50%.

Despite all the different rules and complexities, it’s pretty much the same old reality singing competition in a different package. So it is debatable whether two of these shows can really run concurrently on South African television without one suffering. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be giving The Voice a try.  Cee Lo Green’s ridiculous Dalai Lama inspired outfits alone might be worth it.

The Voice airs on SABC3 on Wednesdays at 20h00   

Why Avatar The Last Airbender is probably the best tv show you will never see

Maybe it is because it is a cartoon on Nickelodeon that didn't get much notice in South Africa. Maybe it is the unfortunate name that makes you think of tall blue aliens in 3D.  Maybe it's because of the convoluted and miserable live action movie adaptation of the franchise.  But a harmless little children's cartoon called Avatar The Last Airbender is probably the best show you have never seen.

It tells the story of Aang, a 12 year old boy and the last of his nomadic Airbender tribe that has to master all four of the elements before the Firebenders destroy the world.  Sounds like standard afternoon kiddies cartoon fare you say. And at its roots it is, but in execution this little show is unlike anything you have ever seen on television.

The economy of story telling is exhilarating. Every single episode of the three seasons contributes to the ultimate 2 hour conclusion, the climax of which is on a scale you seldom even see on the big screen.  The characters are complex and memorable: from the joyous Aang, and the unstoppable blind girl Toph, to his conflicted nemesis Zuko and his psychotic sister Azula, right down, to Momo, Aang's pet lemur-bat.

The animation is breathtaking, and follows mostly an Eastern style and setting, which has been softened to create a westernised anime.  And then there is the bending: different martial arts that each creatively wield one of the four elements as a weapon.  Every action sequence in this series, and there are too many to count, is original and visually satisfying - reminiscent almost of the Matrix, without the annoying flash time photography.  And like the Matrix, the scale of the action grows and grows, so that when Aang finally faces the would be destroyer of the world in the grand finale their conflict is cataclysmic. 

Despite all its merits, this will  most probably remain the best show you have never seen.  The damage done to this franchise by the disastrous, dark and lifeless movie adaptation of M. Night Shyamalan is probably just too much.  Or perhaps the domain of Nickelodeon is just too foreign for those considering themselves connoisseurs of television.  And it's too bad.  Happiness can sometimes be found in the strangest of places.

Avatar repeats daily on weekdays on Nickelodeon. Times may vary.

Game of Thrones - Episode 10 (Season Finale)

Dwarf sex. Gratuitous dwarf sex.  So good, it won the 1.3m Peter Dinklage an Emmy.  And a full sized one at that.  Well deserved too, because his Tyrion Lannister is the crowning glory of a truly remarkable show. 

Even though M-Net initially categorised it as a crime drama, Game of Thrones, based on the “A Song of Ice and Fire” series by George RR Martin, is actually medieval fantasy. Yes, the dreaded f-word. But no, there are no hobbits or lightning spouting wizards.  Nothing to stretch the imagination of the average South African too far.  Just violence and sex and scandal and incest and nudity and betrayal. You know, the good stuff.

Playing more like a political period drama in some unknown location than fantasy, Game of Thrones chronicles the ultimately futile struggles of four Houses (Stark, Lannister, Baratheon and Targaryen) for the Iron Throne of Westeros. 

Last week the battle between the Starks and the Lannisters came to a dramatic head with the capture of Jaime Lannister (twin brother and occassional booty call of Queen Regent Cersei Lannister) by the forces of Robb Stark, and the shocking beheading of Robb's father, the honourable Eddard "Ned" Stark, at the command of the young brat King Joffrey.  

In a crowded season finale, stuffed with some tongue pulling, vicarious girlfriend bashing, incest, nudity, torture and geriatric sex, Ned's wife and children have to come to terms with his gruesome death.  Arya becomes the boy she was always destined to be and Sansa, the love interest of the twisted Joffrey, starts showing the first signs of actually having a Stark backbone.  Robb tries to chop down trees with his sword and is proclaimed King of the North.  Ned's bastard son, Jon Snow, has a crisis of faith and sets off to learn the truth of what is behind The Wall.  On the Lannister side of things,  Tyrion finally gets some recognition from his father,  Tywin, and is appointed as the new Hand of the King, hopefully for some more epic Joffrey slapping. (It is called the Hand of the King for a reason after all.)

But the season finale belongs to young exiled Daenerys Targaryen, played by newcomer Emilia Clarke with great aplomb. Sold into sexual slavery to warlord Khal Drogo by her own brother - the deliciously insane Viserys - to drum up military support for his bid for the Iron Throne, she grew from a pitiful vacuous victim to a courageous horse heart devouring young woman, earning the love of Drogo and his people.  In the previous episode it seemed all was lost, as Drogo was dying and his horde was turning against her, refusing to accept the authority of a woman. Tonight we discover what really transpired in the tent when the witch unleashed the blood magic - buckets and buckets full of it. Drogo survived but is vegetative.  Daenerys' son, the so called stallion that would mount the world, was born dead and deformed.  The horde has left them in disgust.  All is indeed lost.  In despair she smothers her veggy hubby with a pillow and erects a mighty funeral pire in the dark of night.  She adds a witch and some old dragon eggs for extra combustion, and for final emphasis marches into the flames herself.

Fade to black.

It's the crack of dawn. She arises from the ashes. Butt naked but unscathed, a dirty Venus de Milo, with three newly hatched baby dragons clinging to her protectively. Making an awful racket.  She might not be leading a horde anymore, but she seems pretty determined and scary bad ass all of a sudden.

The End. 

Very seldom has television delivered epic this well. Out of character perhaps, but I cannot say a single bad thing about this show. Season two is already in production and viewers should not be concerned that they will run out of material.  Season one was based on the first of five books, also named Game of Thrones.  Two more books are in the pipeline as well, so by all accounts, there is enough for seven seasons.  Whatever you do, make sure you watch this show. And remember, Winter is coming!

Game of Thrones is on M-Net at 21h30 on Monday nights.  The first season concluded on 28 November 2011.

X Factor USA - Top 9 The Results

Stellar guest performances this week from Kelly Clarkson and Bruno Mars.

The contestants huddled together for a Pink medley - with the men dressed like circus entertainers and the women dressed like S&M police women and burlesque prostitutes.  Wish they would go back to lip-synching or what the producers euphemistically call “performing live”, because as a live act the group singing together is pretty terrible. Pity then that grandpa LeRoy napping and missing his cue got them busted.

On to the eliminations.  Given that it was a double elimination, the lowest vote would go home immediately and the second and third lowest would face each other in a sing off and the judges would decide.

First up for elimination: Lakoda Rayne vs Drew.  Pretty easy one.  Goodbye, Lakoda Rayne.  Drew is through to next week. As Steve quite aptly said:  “The dream is over.”  (Boy, did those sour faces take offence!)  Thank you, America, for finally scraping the poo of the X Factor shoe.  And spare a though for poor Paula.  Must be her lowest point since Borat tricked her into sitting on the Mexicans.

In the next least popular showdown, it was Marcus Canty and LeRoy Bell.  No Brian/Astro/Bostik or whatever you want to call him.  Yes, Simon, I was disappointed too.  But there is always next week.

After solid performances from both and two pity votes from the judges for each, it was a deadlock, which meant that the one with the lowest votes from the American public would go home. Again no surprises there, it’s LeRoy Bell.  He almost seemed relieved.  I know the producers must be, because next week they can safely go back to “performing live”!

Next time, double eliminations again.  Looks like they want to wrap this show up before Christmas.

X Factor USA - Top 9

It’s Thanksgiving y’all.  And in the true spirit of the American holiday, X Factor USA devoted the Top 9 episode to songs of thanksgiving, with the contestants having to dedicate their songs to loved ones. A recipe for excessive soppiness perhaps, but after some horrible performances last week, there were ironically fewer turkeys around this time. And just in time, because the contestants are facing double elimination this week.

Before I get into the performances, an honourable mention to dear departed Stacy Francis.  You were like the Amorosa X Factor never had.  Your pathological lying and semi-psychotic mood swings spoke of true star potential. And your final performance of Amazing Grace was positively demonic. Like a train wreck, you were mesmerizing. And not in a good way. I miss you already.

And now for the remaining talent: -

“Tonight I’m thanking my mom and dad for adopting me…”

From a crack house to the X Factor stage.  No, it’s not Chris Rene yet, it’s Rachel Crow. And what an absolute delight she is. Must have rocked that crack house. The stark contrast between her girlsy sweetness and her rich voice is just a joy for the senses.  Simon has inflicted some horrible song choices on her in the past and she still managed to shine. This week she donned a pilgrim dress and proclaimed that she believes. Solid performance, but, geez, can they please stop dressing her funny?  

“I’m giving thanks this week to my mom…”

It’s the hyper-active momma’s boy, Marcus Canty.  A nasty pitchy performance. But the judges loved it. Even Simon.  I felt betrayed.

“This week I’m giving thanks to God for all that he has done for me...”

Seeing Melanie Amaro reminds me of the stories about how Mariah Carey needs to be sown into her dresses.  Chunkiness aside, she is a sparkling talent.  A winning performance from her.  And a slightly scary outburst at the end. She didn’t let rip with a “Hallelujah” but she came close. At least I don’t think she’s boring anymore. 

“…I’m giving thanks to Tim, the councillor at my rehab…”

Chris Rene is living proof that hope never dies and that drug abuse does terrible things to your teeth.  So far the "Young Homie" has failed to live up to the potential glimpsed in his first audition, unable to sing songs other than his own.  This week he relived his first audition, to great success.  Don’t know if he can trot out “Young Homie” again, so he might be in trouble next week.

“We wanted to give thanks to the people who have shaped us into who we are today.”

Each reality show has that really poor contender that just doesn’t get voted off and manages to stick to the collective shoe like toilet paper till the bitter end.  Lakoda Rayne is proving to be that competitor.  After the quick demise of the rest of the groups, they have lingered like the proverbial bad smell. This week the four sour faces harmonised Taylor Swift.  High school talent show fare.  Poor Paula can only do so much…

“This week I am giving thanks to my mom, Janice…”

At least grandpa LeRoy Bell didn’t miss his cue this time around.  An emotional performance about death and old age. Even at his most vulnerable, still pretty much a dud.

“I am giving thanks to my supporters…”

What supporters?  He can apologise till he goes blue in the face.  I’m not buying it.  Brian “Astro” Bradley’s attitude has been atrocious from when he first stepped onto the X Factor stage. Whether the product of poor parenting, bad role models or excessive nasal ingestion of glue, he has been a shining example of all that is wrong with modern society.  I couldn’t care less if he is talented. I don’t want to see him on my TV screen and I think middle America agrees with me. The voters already put him at the bottom, before his attention grabbing tantrum last week. The repeated apologies this week are too fake, too little and too late.

“Tonight I am dedicating my song to give thanks to my best friend in the whole world, Shelby.”

What? Ah, dear old Drew. Just Drew. She dropped the Jewish surname.

From humble beginnings, giggling on her flimsy little bed in adoration of a larger than life Justin Bieber poster and sporting a borrowed brown dress at her first audition, she very quickly set herself apart with that haunting folksy voice. And then she plateaued. This week she delivered a flawed but mesmerizing performance.  Probably my favourite of the night. Don’t care what LA Reid says. 

“This week I’m dedicating my song to my 13 year old daughter, Rowan.”

Josh Krajcik.  We’ve got a winner here.  The voice.  The humble back story.  The creepy mother.  This is paint by numbers stuff.  His show to lose.  Alone at that piano he is in a class of his own. A slamming end to an emotionally overcharged show.

Double eliminations tomorrow night.  Stay tuned for more.