Soul Food Family

Soul Food Family is the type of reality television that is born from such delusional self obsession that it is fascinating, frightening and foul, all at the same time. Much like the murky brown tanks of oil that everything gets dropped into at this institution.

Robbie Montgomery is the owner of the St Louis soul food restaurant "Sweetie Pie's" and the 70 something matriarch of the family, with fond memories of being exploited during the sixties by Ike Turner as a background singer and "original" Ikette.  Many years after the demise of her singing career, the "soul sister turned to soul food" and opened "Sweetie Pie's" with her family.  Supersaturating every single ingredient with the maximum amount of kilojoules whilst draining it of all colour, the family now proudly produces soul food and dispenses it soup kitchen style to queues of waiting zombie patrons itching for their next hit of transfat.

Blatantly scripted and poorly acted, the ladies wake in full make up and the family members recite lines, provide convenient exposition and even seemingly re-enact events to different camera angles.

A dull yet overwrought and bloated affair, Miss Robbie in particular seems to be quite full of something: which is either a dangerously inflated ego or - given the state of the food and the nasty odour hanging over this production in general - a serious bout of gas.

Watch the Soul Food Family on Discovery Channel on Sundays at 18h10, dealing death, one plate at a time.

Enlightened - Episode 1

A raging corporate lunatic throws away her shampoo, dons a pair of sandals and becomes a zenned out modern day hippie in Enlightened.

After an over the top workplace meltdown, Amy Jellicoe (brilliantly portrayed by Laura Dern) finds her true voice and higher self in Hawaii and returns to her old job to spread love, serenity and utter confusion to "a corporate parasite that is raping the land and people and, like, drugging America's kids".

Laugh out loud funny, yet touching, Enlightened brings unexpected joy to M-Net Series on Saturdays at 22h30

Enlightened also stars Luke Wilson and Diane Ladd, Dern's real life mother. Dern won a Golden Globe for her portrayal of the zen garden on a volcano that is Amy.

  

Missing - Episode 4

Having learnt that her husband's killers may have her son, Becca continues the sightseeing tour of Europe and heads to scenic Dubrovnik, where she attempts to take down a hired killer with a mop.  We also catch up with her son, Michael, and start wondering just how far that apple has fallen from the tree.

 

Missing airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 20h00



Brace yourself for a knockout surprise.  This episode might be a bit heavy on the exposition, but should definitely not be missed!

WEIRD MOMENT ALERT: Game of Thrones - Season 2 Episode 4

 

Sis, no! What on EARTH just crawled out of Melisandre's noo noo?!

And why did it sound like she enjoyed it?

The Lying Game - Episode 20 (Season Finale)

There is drama at a surprise wedding tonight when the first season of The Lying Game finally fizzles out. Will the Mecer family cope with Ted's infidelity and all the lies?  Will Emma and Ethan finally have their happy ever after in the trailer park? Will Derek's murderer be revealed? And who gets a nasty surprise at the wedding? 

Season 1 of The Lying Game concludes tonight on M-Net at 20h30

Wake us when it's over.

Cake Boss - Season 4

Taking poor taste to new heights, Buddy and his sweaty crew plaster together a cake in the shape of a washing machine, complete with detergent, bubbles and stinky clothes.  

The current season of Cake Boss comes to an end on Discovery Channel today. But never fear, your favourite fatties will no doubt be back soon, churning out more gastronomic abominations with incontinent glee.

Graham Norton Show - Season 11 Episode 1

Ewan McGregor hooks a big fish and exposes his bits and bobs to senior citizens. Cate Blanchett considers her own bottom and Matt Lucas is delayed by a poo. It's the smashing new season of the Graham Norton Show!

In the eleventh season of his outrageous talk show, Graham Norton is as sharp as ever and still manages to bring out the absolute worst in his celebrity guests. Interspersing the crazy anecdotes with bizarre photographs or the public humiliation of grinning audience members, Norton manages to keep the show fresh and entertaining for the whole hour. 

The best way to end off the working week, the Graham Norton Show spices up BBC Entertainment on Fridays at 20h35

Watch closely: does Matt Lucas actually manage to make Graham blush?!

Game of Thrones - Season 2 Episode 4 (Preview)

Brace yourself for the most powerful and shocking episode of Game of Thrones since Ned Stark's head came undone. In a very busy hour, the war in Westeros becomes all too real with eviscerations, decapitations and amputations galore, whilst brat king Joffrey sinks to new depths.

A captive of the ghastly Harrenhal, Arya's life hangs in the balance when she comes face to face with a mortal enemy.

The Baratheon brothers head for a face off...
  

...whilst the sultry witch Melisandre heads into the shadows and hatches a truly diabolical plan.  By the time the credits roll, we can guarantee that you will be staring in utter disbelief.

Game of Thrones amazes on M-Net on Fridays at 21h30



Missing this episode is not even an option!

Homeland - Episode 2

The powerful Homeland continues tonight on M-Net at 20h30.  Arguably one of the best new series on television, Homeland delivers hard hitting drama and doesn't pull any punches when it comes to nudity and violence either.

In the blistering second episode we are exposed to Carrie's asset in the field and Brody's mental health comes under the spotlight. Full of brilliant twists and surprises, Homeland has already become the new highlight of our Wednesdays.  Once we've put the kids to bed of course.

Don't miss Homeland on M-Net on Wednesdays at 20h30

Battle of the MasterChefs

Fans of MasterChef who do not have PVR's might find themselves faced with a difficult decision tonight when the timeslots for the two new MasterChef series clash.

MasterChef South Africa continues the melodrama on M-Net at 19h30, whilst the second episode of the new season of the original MasterChef comes to BBC Lifestyle at 20h00.

How do you prefer your MasterChef?  Dished up by the slightly dull vegetable expert, Gregg Wallace or stared and sniffed at by an appallingly over the top Andrew Atkinson drowning in a suit three sizes too large?  And how do you prefer your contestants? Cooking in real restaurants and being exposed to the real pressures of being a chef, or being grilled on a pretty set by the three stooges?

 

Whichever you crave, Tuesdays nights now officially cater for all MasterChef fans.

American Idol - Season 11 Top 7 (Again) - Results

Joy! Rapture! The man-skunk is no more!  Finally America has seen the light and given Colton Dixon the boot!

In celebration of this joyous occasion, we fondly revisit our favourite Colton moments.  

 

"bible thumping stick insect with bad hair"

Colton started spouting so much religion on his Idol Twitter account that the producers had to caution him.

 

"a twelve year old school girl with the family cat on her head"

His screeching voice and vocal affectations were reminiscent of a little girl being chased around the schoolground by her first boyfriend.

and our personal favourite -

"repulsive and contrived manorexic white trash"

When Facebook photos of a healthy and normal looking Colton surfaced on the internet, it became clear just how fake his onstage persona and that ridiculous hairdo really was.

And now, finally, we can describe him the way we have longed to since the very beginning of season 11:  GONE!

ARE YOU WATCHING: Alphas - Episode 5

After a moderately entertaining pilot, Alphas is one of those rare shows that has managed to improve with every episode. A likeable ensemble cast, clever writing and its ground breaking portrayal of autism is slowly pushing this fascinating piece of television ahead of the competition.

Last week - in a watershed episode - we were introduced to Anna, a seemingly helpless young autistic woman, who was ultimately uncovered to be the brilliant and ruthless leader of a Red Flag terrorist cell.  Blurring the simplistic distinction between good and bad, Anna also connected with Gary on such a meaningful level that we genuinely started questioning whether our Alphas are not perhaps fighting on the wrong side.

Tonight's episode focuses on ultra sensitive walking crime lab, Rachel, when the Alphas head to a small town to investigate mysterious deaths.  Very believable and enormously satisfying, Alphas is fast becoming must see television.

Alphas lights up the Universal Channel on Sundays at 20h00

Forgotten who's who in the Alphas zoo?  Click here for our introduction to the Alphas.

  

American Idol - Season 11 Top 7 (Again)

American Idol season 11 is finally starting to heat up.  Last week saw the dramatic save of the judges' favourite, the 16 year old diva and plasticine high school horror, Jessica Sanchez.  Now, with all the lifelines cut, the contestants are playing for keeps and anyone can be sent back to obscurity. We take a look at who grated us most this week and who is most deserving of a speedy departure.

Man skunk in peril?  Bible thumping stick insect with bad hair, Colton Dixon took on Lady Gaga tonight and came second in a very bad way, probably chasing off half of his conservative voting base in the process. Back-chatting the judges didn't help either.

Last week's near elimination has proven just how horribly unappealing vocal powerhouse Jessica Sanchez (and her laughable so called alter ego Bebe Chez) has become. She might hit all the right notes, but she is about as real at Jenny from the Block and twice as irritating.

The extremely talented Elise Testone is like a fish out of water on the Idol stage.  She does sexy and sultry to an audience that only votes for "virgins" with purity rings and dons big orange dresses that dwarfs Ryan and the rest of the contestants.  Sadly just too old to cut it, she would have been a lot more successful on The Voice or even X Factor.

While we're at it, can someone please vote off these annoyances as well?  Lame ducks that clearly have nothing to add, they either repeat the same drivel over and over again or blatantly contradict what they said the week before. Tiresome and at times just down right fake, they are SO five minutes ago.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00 with the results shows following on Sundays at 18h00

Our take on this season's winner?  Uh, "brilliantly awkward" Phillip Phillips.  Hands down.

Come Dine With Me: Supersized Season 6 Episode 1

No, it's not Come Dine With Me for fatties, it's an extra large dose of your favourite reality dinner party competition.  This time around we have 5 contestants who are competing for the £1000 prize and five different segments crammed into a two hour mega dose of competitive over the top dinner party disasters, narrated by the ever scathing Dave Lamb.  This all-you-can-eat reality drama fest promises more drama, more out of control dinner party hosts and loads more hilarity.

Come Dine With Me: Supersized bursts onto your screen on BBC Lifestyle on Fridays at 19h00 and on Saturdays at 17h45

All Access Mzansi

Glitz and glam on a tight budget - the half hour format of All Access still tries to explore the ins and outs of the local and international entertainment industry, but seems to have become more of a vehicle for the self promotion of the celebrity presenters. Jason Greer goes behind the scenes of Inkaba and interviews himself. Sadly he lacks the personality to pull off this stunt, although his pruned and waxed eyebrows do entertain. ProVerb skulks around at the MTN Radio Awards and fawns over fellow presenter, Pabi Moloi.

A glimmer of credibility (or is it maybe something else?) arises when they finally unleash African fembot Bridget Masinga.  Masinga executes her programming perfectly, marching resolutely whilst replaying her lines and smiling and flirting her way through interviews in a skin tight black dress.   A miracle of modern technology who clearly has her head screwed on right, Masinga might just well be the only presenter on this show who is not hung up on her own fame.

All Access Mzansi airs on Mzansi Magic on Thursdays at 19h30

Proving that good ideas spread to the uninspired like herpes, Moloi introduces segments by sashaying around a Joburg downtown rooftop at night.  Whilst she looks a lot better doing so than Derek Watts from Carte Blanche, you can't help but wonder why those same city lights look some much duller through the All Access lens.

Game of Thrones - Season 2 Episode 3 (Preview)

Allegiances will change. And the women, girls and ladies of Westeros start making their mark.


Game of Thrones airs on M-Net on Fridays at 21h30

MasterChef SA - Episode 5

Last week we learnt how to make a little house out of chips.  And tonight we might discover how to spruce up a dessert with a mint sprig.

MasterChef SA airs on M-Net on Tuesdays at 19h30

By the way, we LOVE the new title sequence!

So, what's the fuss about Homeland?

By now you might have heard some rumblings about the new knock-out thriller entitled Homeland starting on M-Net this Wednesday at 20h30.  Homeland is a brilliant but brutal piece of television that follows a returning prisoner of war from the Middle East, his family and a CIA agent who suspects that all is not as it seems.

Without a doubt only aimed at a mature audience, sex, nudity and violence play an integral role in this disturbing thriller, so much so that a fellow TV blogger, TV with Thinus, has now formally queried the time slot with M-Net.  For the scoop and the response from M-Net, visit Thinus here.

At the end of the day, M-Net suggests that the public need to decide for themselves. And if you want to a make an informed decision and need to know whether the kids should be put to bed or locked in their rooms before 20h30 on Wednesdays, you have come to the right place.  After the jump we have posted screenshots taken from the first episode of Homeland only.  The rest of the series is in the same vein, with some later episodes actually being more explicit. Take a look and decide for yourself whether this is acceptable to you and your family.

WARNING:

Consider carefully before clicking on the jump. What follows are screenshots depicting graphic sex, gratuitous nudity, sexual violence against women, torture and explicit scenes of a man being beaten to death. These events are also integral to the plot of Homeland and may be considered to be spoilers. Where necessary, the screenshots have been edited to avoid giving offense. M-Net will not be doing the same.

ARE YOU WATCHING: Survivor: Samoa

Is Russell the greatest player of all time? And what's up with Shambo's power mullet?



Don't miss Survivor: Samoa on SABC3 on Mondays at 20h00

Food in a Flash - Episode 1

No, it's not Penny Smythe in the kitchen, it's self taught cookbook author extraordinaire, the ever capable Sharon Glass. Reminiscent of Smythe in infomercial mode - admittedly with a dash or two less charm - Glass takes on TV with her first ever series entitled Food in a Flash.  Not so much entertainment as a master class in how to cook a chop and toss a salad, Glass infuses her monologue with a distinct nasal twang and heaps of practical tips and demonstrations.

Hardly a momentous event in South African television, but definitely a great win for The Home Channel.

Food in a Flash is served up on The Home Channel throughout the week.  

WEIRD MOMENT ALERT: American Idol Top 7 Results

American Idol - Top 7 Results

Shock! Horror! The American public does not like the judges' favourites! Let's be honest they probably don't like the judges much either. And in that, at least, they are not alone.

Much to the judges' dismay the three most powerful voices were in the bottom three this week. And amazingly, the least favourite was supposed front runner, Jessica Sanchez - who escaped elimination when the judges exercised "the save".

Should we really be surprised if this happens season after season?  And is it really so difficult to understand that the hordes of screaming teenage girls who actually bother to vote engage something other than their brains when doing so?

After all, has everybody already forgotten what actually got voted into the finale last year...?

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00, with the results show on Sundays at 18h00

Titanic - Mini Series (Parts 1 & 2)

Dramatic irony at its finest. And the worst way to start your week.  An overwrought period drama disaster floats onto our screens tonight and makes us wonder: how did those poor people die? Was it the icy water or was it chilling soul destroying boredom?

Featuring all the cliched snobbery and classism and doomed love affairs that have grown on the myth of the Titanic like barnacles on the hull of a ship, Titanic is pretty much the same as every other production that has borne this ill fated name. Created purely to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the infamous maritime disaster, this version is about as compelling and sincere as birthday wishes from your cell phone network provider.

Watch this convoluted dreary nonsense strike an iceberg before you abandon ship.

Titanic Parts 1 & 2 are aired back to back tonight at 19h32 and 20h25 on BBC Entertainment

Homeland - Preview

A family torn between a past they never came to terms with and a present that forced them to outgrow it. 

A CIA agent with a serious problem.

And a returning war hero who may or may not be all he seems.

There might be no dragons or foul mouthed dwarfs in this one, but the powerful and disturbing Homeland is still quite possibly the best thing to hit you screen in 2012.

Homeland infiltrates M-Net on Wednesdays at 20h30


Not sure about that time slot though. People do seem to be touching themselves a lot in this one...