Like the old Bonnie Tyler song, Ursula
Chikane is holding out for a hero. Yes, he’s gotta be strong and he’s gotta be
fast, but preferably he must also have visible abs.
The Bar One Manhunt is back! And no, it is not some ridiculous
adventure dating show, it’s Bar One’s lame attempt at finding a rugged hero that
supposedly embodies the 25 hour day that their brand is famous for. Ironically of course, the very last thing any
of their lean contestants would be wasting calories on at the end of a hard day
is a Bar One, but clearly an adventure show featuring the kind of people who actually
eat their products would be a lot less appealing, and for the contestants and
camera men, probably life threatening as well.
Boasting the “strongest, fittest
and smartest men in South Africa”, the whole show is premised on the concept
that if you put fit and attractive men on screen and find any conceivable
excuse for them to wear as little as possible you don’t need the smallest
semblance of productions values to guarantee success.
But the knuckle dragging amateur
beefcake dying to be discovered is the least of our worries. Staring at this dreary mess in amazement, we
have to wonder, when exactly did presenter Ursula Chikane become such a
revulsion? Yes, she has always been
annoying, but back in the day when she was ambushing unsuspecting children at
the beach with a big Junior Sport microphone, she still had a certain
charm. Sadly that is no more. Drowned, it seems, in fake pretension, excessive
ego or bitter arrogance, what was once relevant and trendy now has the appeal
of a fetid corpse, bloated with foulness.
And when the Bar One cameras
roll, Chikane doesn’t hold back on that foulness either. Sporting a severe bleached hairdo, she
takes charge, reciting instructions in a bored monotone and so slowly, that one has to wonder
just how smart the “smartest men in South Africa” really are. And like a bitter man hating drill sergeant
she doesn’t pass up on any opportunity to snap condescending comments either. As thoroughly unpleasant as the rest of this
production, we can’t imagine that anyone could enjoy this nonsense with the
sound on.
Bar One Manhunt is back on
SABC3 on Thursdays at 20h00
Bar One’s marketing of this contrived
sugar rush is reminiscent of a little child claiming to have dropped a
chocolate bar in the bath. They can swear
high and low that its really a Bar One, but one look is enough to know that they
are actually shameless passing off a sodden floating poo.
Whatever you do, don’t be tricked
into taking a bite.
