In a sea of reality television, America’s Next Top Model is a long shallow reef of shame and exploitation. This creation of the self proclaimed “Queen of Cheap”, Tyra Banks, might have been a guilty pleasure in its first few years, but over sixteen identical seasons, Tyra and her campy wigs has churned this milk into rancid butter.
Currently only in its 11th season on Vuzu, the show is not about finding the next top model. Over the years they have chewed up and spat out many thousands of young women, but have not delivered a single model of note. No, the supposed premise of the show is just a lure, dangled to attract naive pretty young things with dreams and aspirations of more into a trap meant only to exploit, demean and belittle - for the joy and entertainment of the viewers back home. In a world where we console ourselves that all beautiful people have attained that status through the sacrifice of other virtues (such as intelligence or a proper grasp of geography) this show seeks to find any weakness or flaw in the contestants and lays it bare to the public as proof. Not that we should feel too much pity for these aspiring top models, because for the truly narcissistic – and Tyra makes sure they are just that - even brief notoriety is better than obscurity.
Episode after episode Tyra consistently dreams up new ways to torture her contestants, making them shoot advertisements in Japanese, swinging them from ropes like the Cirque du Soleil, or covering them with spiders, all the while expecting them to strike fierce poses. Us mere mortals would never have expected that the life of a model would be so much like Fear Factor.
This week, she forces the models to practice their runway walk down a slippery bowling alley, whilst the completely tasteless Miss J openly mocks them. Then they are forced to do an impromptu runway show – whilst blindfolded. In a break with the norm, the most wooden contender, a teary and awkward Hannah, is immediately sent home.
After the surprise elimination, the girls have to do a swimwear shoot with professional swimming pool lurker and judge Nigel Barker. The catch? Their mouth and nose has to be submerged. The poor aspiring models are pretty much used to drowning attempts at this stage and do quite well. Recently gender re-assigned transsexual, Isis, struggles though, apparently afraid that her brand new lady bits might come off in the water. This glimpse of weakness is enough for Tyra and her pack of judges and they proceed to rip her apart and send her home. But not before hugging her and praising her for being a role model to the LGBT community. Of course.
Not even Felicia Mabuza Suttle’s endless parade of deformed children made you feel quite as dirty as watching Tyra’s hypocritical antics. The only true model on the show (apart from judge Paulina Porizkova, who is mostly ignored and clearly reviled by Tyra) Miss Banks wears personalities like outfits, switching between personas so rapidly that she leaves you with whiplash. As fake as her hair and a shiny monument to the very narcissism she denounces so eagerly.
ANTM airs on Vuzu on Thursdays at 20h30.
The petite model concept might be new, but nothing else is. As usual, everything from Tyra's hair to her personality and her ridiculous French accent is as fake as can be, whilst the new collection of shorter victims are swept up to shriek excitedly at the prospect of the torture and humiliation to come. The awful Jays are back too: J Alexander rips out a weave within the first few minutes whilst Jay Manuel flaps on about commitment and drive and through all the make up and contrivance still manages to criticise contestants about not being themselves. 
