OMG, it's a new season of OTH!! No, not Over The Hill, it's One Tree Hill. Named after the fictitious town where this pretty people drama plays out or the singular tree hardcore fans will probably eventually find themselves dangling from. You decide.
Pretty people have seldom had it this hard and for so long. Basically a die hard teen drama that had to adapt to ageing main characters, OTH is full of tragedy, love triangles and personal disasters, with a bit of cutesy family values on the side. Last season ended on a cliffhanger. Brooke got engaged and depressive Haley revealed that she is pregnant. On the lighter side, Clay and Quinn were shot by Katie and left for dead.
In the season premiere, melodramatically entitled "Asleep at Heaven's Gate", Clay (Robert Buckley) awakes to find that the attempt on their lives was all a dream. He is shirtless on a beach with Quinn. (This is the season premiere after all and Robert Buckley without a shirt is normally like Miracle Grow for ratings. He looks a bit pale and flat this time around though.) Once the shirtless contractual obligation is fulfilled, we realise that Clay was actually just dreaming that he had dreamt (keep up, people!) and he goes back to lying in the apartment with Quinn, dying from his bullet wound. Remarkably, by the end of the episode they have still not been discovered. Hang in there guys, better luck next week.
Haley seems to have finally overcome her depression and is adjusting to her pregnancy. The doctor says she's fine, but they have to run further tests (cue ominous music.) The pregnancy and some poor parenting from Haley and Nathan prompts young Jamie to Google "lady rabbit sex". (If you haven't yet searched for this yourself, you can click here. Bizarrely, this search actually leads to a One Tree Hill website. No wonder that little kid is so confused.)
In some more season premiere gratuity Brooke and Julian celebrate their engagement gratuitously. But in true OTH style, the happiness is short lived, because Brooke gets arrested for accounting fraud and her business, Clothes Over Bros (yes, seriously) gets shut down. Believe it or not, Clay and Quinn are STILL lying dying whilst all of this is happening!
Setting up the love triangle for the season, Chase actually gets out from behind the bar and starts dating movie star Alex, but his ex, moody mannish Mia, decides she wants him back.
It's a perfect mix of vintage OTH: hardly a shirt in sight, random gratuity, some cutesy kid scenes and a whole new set of personal disasters and love triangles to overcome, all to the background of a suitably trendy soundtrack. Real fans will appreciate the return of the opening titles and original theme song "I Don't Want To Be". The rest of us will probably shake our heads in disbelief.
One Tree Hill airs on Vuzu on Tuesdays at 20h30.
