ARE YOU WATCHING: Work of Art: The Next Great Artist

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist might present a reality talent competition in the same format as Top Chef and Project Runway but the subject matter is so vibrant and so unique that it succeeds as a true work of art in its own right.

Last week, in a double elimination, John Parot got eliminated first because he misspelt fellatio on his lacklustre attempt at shock art.  Second to pack her brushes was Nao Bustamante, who got the boot, not just because her bizarre performance art lacked any real purpose, but because her simulation of pulsating excrement did not smell like the real thing.  You just cannot make this up.

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist airs on Vuzu on Mondays at 19h30

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist - Episode 1

If you can’t get enough of the random subjectivity that prompts Project Runway fashion dictator, Heidi Klum, to snap “OUT” at a failed and teary fashion designer – like it’s a Pomeranian that piddled on her favourite carpet – then Work of Art: The Next Great Artist is for you.  Certainly more ordinary looking than the collection of bong smoking liberals we might have expected, the contestants have to fight the clock and each other to create works of art that appeal to the random tastes of the judges in an attempt to avoid elimination.  Whilst the formula is tried and tested, the subject matter is not.  Over the years we have passively judged models and chefs and ultimate fighters and bachelorettes from the comfort of our arm chairs, but even Heidi's cowering fashion designers never produced anything as utterly subjective as art.

What makes a good artist and a worthy winner?  Here’s a quick guide for those of you less familiar with the characteristics of a true artiste.

        

A pretentious and/or exotic name

First and foremost, an artist must sound like a real artist.  Leading by example is their mentor, Simon de Pury.  Like a true genius, he even sports an unidentifiable foreign accent

An artsy appearance

Secondly, an artist must look like an artist.  Stylishly severe host and judge, China Chow of Borg shows them how.

A bizarre medium

Real artists are not confined by such banalities as canvass and paint and brushes. Real artists invent their own medium. Like when you were five years old and made little soldiers out of dog poo on the lawn. Shame on your parents for beating that raw creative genius out of you.

Not quite dog poo, but obsessive compulsive Miles cobbles together morbid art from photocopies and plastic bags and takes the first win of the season.  Definitely one to watch.

A rich and famous benefactor

After all, how would anybody know that dreary mess is art if a famous actor does not declare it so? And who is more authoritative on what we  really like that Sarah Jessica Parker, Executive Producer of the show.

Ultimately too subjective to produce any real winners, the ticking clock, the over the top egos and the utterly bizarre concoctions stress drives these creative powerhouses to becomes the real source of our entertainment.   Probably quite demeaning and insulting to actual artists and the concept of art in general, but an unexpected joy for us plebs.

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist splashes onto your screen on Vuzu on Monday nights at 19h30.

It's like Project Runway, with less fake tan.