All Access Mzansi

Glitz and glam on a tight budget - the half hour format of All Access still tries to explore the ins and outs of the local and international entertainment industry, but seems to have become more of a vehicle for the self promotion of the celebrity presenters. Jason Greer goes behind the scenes of Inkaba and interviews himself. Sadly he lacks the personality to pull off this stunt, although his pruned and waxed eyebrows do entertain. ProVerb skulks around at the MTN Radio Awards and fawns over fellow presenter, Pabi Moloi.

A glimmer of credibility (or is it maybe something else?) arises when they finally unleash African fembot Bridget Masinga.  Masinga executes her programming perfectly, marching resolutely whilst replaying her lines and smiling and flirting her way through interviews in a skin tight black dress.   A miracle of modern technology who clearly has her head screwed on right, Masinga might just well be the only presenter on this show who is not hung up on her own fame.

All Access Mzansi airs on Mzansi Magic on Thursdays at 19h30

Proving that good ideas spread to the uninspired like herpes, Moloi introduces segments by sashaying around a Joburg downtown rooftop at night.  Whilst she looks a lot better doing so than Derek Watts from Carte Blanche, you can't help but wonder why those same city lights look some much duller through the All Access lens.

Why would you watch Mzansi Magic on a Monday?

A good reason not to...

Inkaba is a stillborn production that proves that there is life after death, even though it is not very pleasant.

This nasty low budget affair somehow manages to bring out the worst in everyone involved. Accomplished actors chew on scenery, whilst their inexperienced co-stars either bumble through the akward dialogue or have their expressions completely obscured by random shadows. The camera frequently seems oblivious to the unfolding scenes, as if the lone camera man is slipping into a coma or perhaps subtly trying to avoid drawing attention to the imminent collapse of the necrotic set. Worst of all - for a show that supposedly revolves around a fashion house - the outfits are so laughably cheap and absurd, they bring tears to the eyes. 

A dreary and depressing melodrama, Inkaba is about as entertaining as overdosing on Disprin.

Inkaba flatlines on Mzansi Magic from Mondays to Thursdays at 20h30.



But why you probably should...

With a cheeky opening sequence, gorgeous soft lighting and an earthy pastel kitchen, Cooking with Siba oozes charm and sophistication. So too does the host, Sibahle Mtongana, who is the Food Editor for Drum Magazine - although she shines brighest when she is unscripted and her bubbly self. Each week she invites a celebrity guest into her kitchen and helps them to zoot up their favourite dishes, whilst dispensing some useful tips to the viewers along the way.

Apart from the occassional magical reveal, where pre-prepared dishes are whipped out of a cold oven, Siba's food looks authentic, home made and totally delicious.

A delight for all the senses, Cooking with Siba does sexy and sassy stylishly, without resorting to the food prostitution practised by her who we shall not mention.

Cooking with Siba sparkles on Mzansi Magic on Mondays at 19h30.

See also    Inkaba - Episode 1 Review

               
                 What Nigella has in store for us

Inkaba - Episode 1

If you have ever wondered whether there is a form of entertainment lower than a soapie, then wonder no more. There is. It is called a telenovela. And Inkaba is it.

Giving new meaning to cheap and trashy, Inkaba pushes the limit of what is possible with a lack of imagination, a shoe string budget and one camera.  Not since "Simunye - We are One" has concept and execution been this laughable and cringeworthy.  From writers that have a character casually comment that she wants to wear her sister's "garments", to continuity presenters trying (clearly for the first and hopefully for the last time) to act; from horrible sepia backflashes a la TV4, to sets so cheap and flimsy they remind you of Woofles and Pumpkin Patch, Inkaba continuously and consistently amazes with its poor quality.

Talking about Woofles, whilst telenovelas are usually known for their hunky heroes and sexy stars, Inkaba features a complete dearth of sex appeal. Oh yes, they try to be racy, but between the sad outfits, cheap sets, tacky background music and horrible acting, you only end up feeling sorry for the poor creatures who are clearly getting paid very little to grope one another for our supposed entertainment.

Mzansi Magic is proud to declare that considerable money has been spent marketing this embarrassment.  It's just a pity no money actually went into making it.  The set piece for the much hyped pilot episode is supposed to be a glitzy fashion show, but the end result is a few greasy models parading outfits last seen at the Matric Farewell of a Karoo town in 1995, thundering down a flimsy runway and dodging the rest of the delipidated set, in front of a crowd of ten.  And this is perhaps where the terminal frugality of the show becomes most apparent: if you can't even afford to use an extra to fill out a crowd for your pilot episode, you either have to turn every penny or you probably just couldn't be bothered, because - let's be honest - sad and desperate attention whores - like Mika Stefano - would probably have sacrificed a testicle to join that motley crowd for free. As a whole, the show creates the distinct impression that is was shot in the producer's own living room and garage.

More the type of fair one would expect on SABC1 than a pay channel that prides itself on commissioning good local content, this sad amateurish mess is an embarrassment to the South African television industry and hands down the worst show in its time slot.  Sadly, it is not even so bad that it is good, it is just plain bad.  And the promise of another 200 plus episodes of this drivel is a horror too great to fathom.

Inkaba stinks up Mzansi Magic from Mondays to Thursdays at 20h30.

"The characters in Inkaba are entirely fictional, correlation to any individual is coincidental."  Does that mean that racist disaster Kuli Roberts - who plays herself - was just a figment of our imaginations?