Inkaba - Episode 1

If you have ever wondered whether there is a form of entertainment lower than a soapie, then wonder no more. There is. It is called a telenovela. And Inkaba is it.

Giving new meaning to cheap and trashy, Inkaba pushes the limit of what is possible with a lack of imagination, a shoe string budget and one camera.  Not since "Simunye - We are One" has concept and execution been this laughable and cringeworthy.  From writers that have a character casually comment that she wants to wear her sister's "garments", to continuity presenters trying (clearly for the first and hopefully for the last time) to act; from horrible sepia backflashes a la TV4, to sets so cheap and flimsy they remind you of Woofles and Pumpkin Patch, Inkaba continuously and consistently amazes with its poor quality.

Talking about Woofles, whilst telenovelas are usually known for their hunky heroes and sexy stars, Inkaba features a complete dearth of sex appeal. Oh yes, they try to be racy, but between the sad outfits, cheap sets, tacky background music and horrible acting, you only end up feeling sorry for the poor creatures who are clearly getting paid very little to grope one another for our supposed entertainment.

Mzansi Magic is proud to declare that considerable money has been spent marketing this embarrassment.  It's just a pity no money actually went into making it.  The set piece for the much hyped pilot episode is supposed to be a glitzy fashion show, but the end result is a few greasy models parading outfits last seen at the Matric Farewell of a Karoo town in 1995, thundering down a flimsy runway and dodging the rest of the delipidated set, in front of a crowd of ten.  And this is perhaps where the terminal frugality of the show becomes most apparent: if you can't even afford to use an extra to fill out a crowd for your pilot episode, you either have to turn every penny or you probably just couldn't be bothered, because - let's be honest - sad and desperate attention whores - like Mika Stefano - would probably have sacrificed a testicle to join that motley crowd for free. As a whole, the show creates the distinct impression that is was shot in the producer's own living room and garage.

More the type of fair one would expect on SABC1 than a pay channel that prides itself on commissioning good local content, this sad amateurish mess is an embarrassment to the South African television industry and hands down the worst show in its time slot.  Sadly, it is not even so bad that it is good, it is just plain bad.  And the promise of another 200 plus episodes of this drivel is a horror too great to fathom.

Inkaba stinks up Mzansi Magic from Mondays to Thursdays at 20h30.

"The characters in Inkaba are entirely fictional, correlation to any individual is coincidental."  Does that mean that racist disaster Kuli Roberts - who plays herself - was just a figment of our imaginations?