Why would you watch Mzansi Magic on a Monday?

A good reason not to...

Inkaba is a stillborn production that proves that there is life after death, even though it is not very pleasant.

This nasty low budget affair somehow manages to bring out the worst in everyone involved. Accomplished actors chew on scenery, whilst their inexperienced co-stars either bumble through the akward dialogue or have their expressions completely obscured by random shadows. The camera frequently seems oblivious to the unfolding scenes, as if the lone camera man is slipping into a coma or perhaps subtly trying to avoid drawing attention to the imminent collapse of the necrotic set. Worst of all - for a show that supposedly revolves around a fashion house - the outfits are so laughably cheap and absurd, they bring tears to the eyes. 

A dreary and depressing melodrama, Inkaba is about as entertaining as overdosing on Disprin.

Inkaba flatlines on Mzansi Magic from Mondays to Thursdays at 20h30.



But why you probably should...

With a cheeky opening sequence, gorgeous soft lighting and an earthy pastel kitchen, Cooking with Siba oozes charm and sophistication. So too does the host, Sibahle Mtongana, who is the Food Editor for Drum Magazine - although she shines brighest when she is unscripted and her bubbly self. Each week she invites a celebrity guest into her kitchen and helps them to zoot up their favourite dishes, whilst dispensing some useful tips to the viewers along the way.

Apart from the occassional magical reveal, where pre-prepared dishes are whipped out of a cold oven, Siba's food looks authentic, home made and totally delicious.

A delight for all the senses, Cooking with Siba does sexy and sassy stylishly, without resorting to the food prostitution practised by her who we shall not mention.

Cooking with Siba sparkles on Mzansi Magic on Mondays at 19h30.

See also    Inkaba - Episode 1 Review

               
                 What Nigella has in store for us

What Nigella has in store for us

Okay, so maybe she is not the Antichrist, but she is definitely one of the Seven Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Or one of their horses at the very least.

It is Nigella Lawson, of course, faux chef and seductress extraordinaire. Although - and she would quickly tell you - she is much too pretentious to consider herself an actual chef.  She does after all handle a knife like a disturbed five year old, is too lazy to measure out ingredients or even peel an onion. In fact her only cheffy aspiration is her somewhat laughable claim of having asbestos hands.  In her role as culinary Delilah she is much more accomplished.  She might not seem capable of mixing more than three ingredients together over heat, but she certainly knows how to turn up that heat with skin tight dresses and seductive murmurs.  See, she can't just tell us that she is pouring that goopy batter into a baking tin. She has to huskily declare that she decants the luscious silky mix slowly onto the waiting baking tin, while she eagerly sucks some off a manicured nail, clearly more  intent on concocting suggestive puns than actual edible food. 

A charade from beginning to end, she serves up lazy, insipid  and frequently rancid looking creations to an eager (or perhaps nervous?) mix of politically correct "friends" like she is unveiling monumental culinary revelations, and with such condescension, you would think she is feeding little children or the family dog.  The crowning achievement of each episode is a bizarrely re-enacted midnight feast  where she traipses around a darkened kitchen (set) with red back lighting - reminiscent of a certain district in Amsterdam - her ample bosom barely contained in her night gown.

This festive season Nigella is all over our screens again, dishing up bulging Christmas treats oozing with sticky sauces.  Watch her in Nigella Kitchen on Wednesday, 14 December 2011 at 20h25 on BCC Lifestyle serving up her self titled slut's spaghetti, or on  Sunday 18 December 2011 at 18h00 in Nigella's Christmas Kitchen where she promises to show us how to whip a pavlova into mountainous peaks.

Nigella is married to multi millionaire Charles Saatchi.  He reportedly refuses to eat any of her food and survives on a diet of cereal and boiled eggs, which she is not allowed to touch.

Things to ponder this Christmas - no.1

As the festive season approaches it is time again for us to look back on the year and contemplate our existence, particularly now that 2012 and the apocalypse is upon us.  And in these times where a burning bush is less likely to be a sign of religious significance and more likely an indication of venereal disease, we could do well to heed the scriptures for once.



And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup[cake] in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication.

Revelations 17:4

So, if the end is nigh, could Nigella be the Antichrist?