Happy Holidays!!

This blog will resume on 29 December 2011.

X Factor USA Finale

The X Factor USA Finale turned out to be a perfect choice for Christmas Eve, because like the holiday, it was a highly anticipated but ultimately painful affair with a few special moments.

In all fairness, singing in front of the world, with five million dollars at stake must be nerve wracking.  Unfortunately for the three remaining contestants, Josh Krajcik, Chris Rene and Melanie Amaro, it was about to get worse when, for their first song, they had to do a duet with a superstar and avoid swallowing glitter.

Josh Krajcik got decimated by Alanis Morisette, whilst Chris Rene and Avril Lavigne languished in mediocrity and Melanie Amaro  had to sing alto to a hysterical R Kelly.  The duets were almost unwatchably bad - probably because the contestants were forced to sing in a key that showcased the voice of their famous partner instead of their own. Better suited for a results show than a finale, but we guess they needed it for the ratings. 

For their final song, the contestants had to choose their own favourite. And yes, horror of horrors, that meant that Chris heated up another serving of "Young Homie".  Ultimately though, the night belonged to Melanie with a ridiculously powerful performance of Beyonce's "Listen".  She might not be a single parent or a recovering drug addict with a secret hand shake, but she undoubtedly has the most talent.

Don't miss the final results show on M-Net on Sunday 25 December 2011 at 17h00.

Justin Bieber is coming!!

Flash

Need to brush up on your A List celebrities in SA? Then Flash is for you.

In the Christmas edition, it's all about celebrities and their charities. Beauty queens got some stiff competition from sporting hunks in the Eastern Cape based Incredible Race.  And we found out which celebrity went one better than giving socks and gave school shoes instead.  We also got a sneak preview of the glitzy locally produced Clifton Shores, the new reality show set in our favourite celebrity destination, Cape Town.

Flash airs on SABC3 on Fridays at 21h00.

Stay tuned next week for a humourous review of 2011.

Sneak Peek: X Factor USA Finale & Results

M-Net has a very special gift for us this Christmas: the star studded X Factor USA Finale & Results shows.

It's just a pity that with social media and the internet, most of us have already shaken this gift so much we already know exactly what is inside.


The finale belatedly airs on M-Net on Saturday 24 December 2011 at 18h00 and the final results show airs on Sunday 25 December 2011 at 17h00.


Who knows, we might have forgotten who won by then.

Unnatural History - Pilot

It's the Harry Potter of history, Henry Griffin!  Unnatural History plots the adventures of young Henry (Kevin G. Schmidt) and his two side kicks, nerdy but loyal Jasper (Jordan Gavaris) and book smart and cheeky Maggie (Italia Ricci) as they creep around old gothic buildings, spout latin and solve historical mysteries.

A worthy protagonist, Henry is no ordinary teen.  His parents are travelling anthropologists, so he has been exposed to those mythical countries that are rumoured to exist beyond the borders of the US. As a result he has attained mysterious powers and can climb a wall like Spider Man, catch darts out of mid air and beat up adults with slow motion kung-fu.  He is a complete stranger to uniquely American institutions such as sarcasm and high school though.

Charming nonsense and harmless holiday fun, Unnatural History is fast paced, entertaining and educational: a history lesson with a Harry Potter dynamic for extra spice that is not just aimed at the tween market.

A live action product of the Cartoon Network, Unnatural History cleverly resides on M-Net Series on Wednesdays at 19h30 instead. 

An Idiot Abroad - Episode 4 (Mexico)

We are still not buying it, but it is growing on us.  Sensible and hyper conservative Karl Pilkington is willing to be called a "round empty headed chimplike moron" on television and as his reward gets shipped off to various unpleasant international locations for a holiday from hell for our amusement? How much could they possibly be paying him?

Once you get past the glaring fakeness, seeing Pilkington sincerely ask every Mexican he meets if they have Mexican jumping beans, and wondering if he could buy any in a pet shop, does have a certain charm. Probably the phoniest travel program you will ever see, but maybe also the funniest.

An Idiot Abroad airs on Discovery Channel on Tuesdays at 21h20.

Shameless - Pilot

Shameless, a new series on M-Net, is in fact exactly that, a shameless Americanised copy of the original hit British series of the same name that started running in 2004.  Frame by frame, line by line, the pilot episode is an almost exact duplicate, even down to the camera angles and editing.  But like some foreign play it has been adapted to make sense to the poor insular locals. The characters might sport the same names and spout the same lines, but all British slang has been neatly edited and replaced with an American version.  Jarringly, the basic premise of the show itself, shameless poverty, has also been adjusted to be more attuned to American sensitivities.  Poor now means living in a nice large house that is not expertly decorated, and having perfect teeth and a healthy appearance, but no Gucci.

Is a British accent and some foreign slang really such an insurmountable obstacle to the average American viewer as to require the complete re-enactment of this show?  And when their TV executives sell this junk on to other countries, do they really think we are similarly narrow minded and ignorant enough to not consider this remake and re-sell of old cheese anything but utterly and spectacularly insulting?

Shameless airs on M-Net on Tuesdays at 22h00.

If this is the first time you have heard of this show, rather go rent the British original.  It is actually, uh, original and absolutely brilliant.   

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist - Episode 1

If you can’t get enough of the random subjectivity that prompts Project Runway fashion dictator, Heidi Klum, to snap “OUT” at a failed and teary fashion designer – like it’s a Pomeranian that piddled on her favourite carpet – then Work of Art: The Next Great Artist is for you.  Certainly more ordinary looking than the collection of bong smoking liberals we might have expected, the contestants have to fight the clock and each other to create works of art that appeal to the random tastes of the judges in an attempt to avoid elimination.  Whilst the formula is tried and tested, the subject matter is not.  Over the years we have passively judged models and chefs and ultimate fighters and bachelorettes from the comfort of our arm chairs, but even Heidi's cowering fashion designers never produced anything as utterly subjective as art.

What makes a good artist and a worthy winner?  Here’s a quick guide for those of you less familiar with the characteristics of a true artiste.

        

A pretentious and/or exotic name

First and foremost, an artist must sound like a real artist.  Leading by example is their mentor, Simon de Pury.  Like a true genius, he even sports an unidentifiable foreign accent

An artsy appearance

Secondly, an artist must look like an artist.  Stylishly severe host and judge, China Chow of Borg shows them how.

A bizarre medium

Real artists are not confined by such banalities as canvass and paint and brushes. Real artists invent their own medium. Like when you were five years old and made little soldiers out of dog poo on the lawn. Shame on your parents for beating that raw creative genius out of you.

Not quite dog poo, but obsessive compulsive Miles cobbles together morbid art from photocopies and plastic bags and takes the first win of the season.  Definitely one to watch.

A rich and famous benefactor

After all, how would anybody know that dreary mess is art if a famous actor does not declare it so? And who is more authoritative on what we  really like that Sarah Jessica Parker, Executive Producer of the show.

Ultimately too subjective to produce any real winners, the ticking clock, the over the top egos and the utterly bizarre concoctions stress drives these creative powerhouses to becomes the real source of our entertainment.   Probably quite demeaning and insulting to actual artists and the concept of art in general, but an unexpected joy for us plebs.

Work of Art: The Next Great Artist splashes onto your screen on Vuzu on Monday nights at 19h30.

It's like Project Runway, with less fake tan.

X Factor USA - Top 4 Results

Just in: pimp-tastic Marcus Canty has been arrested by the fashion police and voted off X Factor USA.

The top three remaining to compete in the finale this coming week are front runner Melanie Amaro, bluesy Josh Krajcik and the spastic robot homeboy with a heart, Chris Rene.

But who will walk away with the 5 million dollar prize?

Could it be the destitute bin man with the hungry child and the dead father, who is freshly out of rehab and a glorious beacon of hope and a homeboy all at the same time, reality television savant Chris Rene?

Or could it be the greasy thirty year old single father, with the creepy mother and the old-before-her-time teen daughter, who used to serve fast food and now haunts us with his unbelievable voice, Josh Krajcik?

It probably won't be Melanie Amaro.  Despite being the most talented contestant on a reality singing show in the past few years, her lack of personal tragedy and failure will probably be her downfall in the end.

The X Factor USA finale and results shows are airing on M-Net over the Christmas weekend.

(Unfortunately this is three days after the winner has been announced in America, so fans who would rather stay in the dark might have to go visit relatives in the Eastern Cape during that time.)

Glory Daze - Pilot

An American coming of age college comedy that is for the juvenile and sex starved only.

This junk was cancelled halfway through the first season.  Honestly, rather read a book.


Glory Daze airs during prime time on M-Net Series on Saturdays at 20h30. 

What were they thinking?