X Factor USA - Season 2: Top 16

Okay. So we've seen Adam Sandler play his own sister in a movie. But how on earth does Mario Lopez manage the same feat in a live show?

 

X Factor USA is back for another season on M-Net on Saturdays and Sundays just before prime time.

X Factor USA Finale

The X Factor USA Finale turned out to be a perfect choice for Christmas Eve, because like the holiday, it was a highly anticipated but ultimately painful affair with a few special moments.

In all fairness, singing in front of the world, with five million dollars at stake must be nerve wracking.  Unfortunately for the three remaining contestants, Josh Krajcik, Chris Rene and Melanie Amaro, it was about to get worse when, for their first song, they had to do a duet with a superstar and avoid swallowing glitter.

Josh Krajcik got decimated by Alanis Morisette, whilst Chris Rene and Avril Lavigne languished in mediocrity and Melanie Amaro  had to sing alto to a hysterical R Kelly.  The duets were almost unwatchably bad - probably because the contestants were forced to sing in a key that showcased the voice of their famous partner instead of their own. Better suited for a results show than a finale, but we guess they needed it for the ratings. 

For their final song, the contestants had to choose their own favourite. And yes, horror of horrors, that meant that Chris heated up another serving of "Young Homie".  Ultimately though, the night belonged to Melanie with a ridiculously powerful performance of Beyonce's "Listen".  She might not be a single parent or a recovering drug addict with a secret hand shake, but she undoubtedly has the most talent.

Don't miss the final results show on M-Net on Sunday 25 December 2011 at 17h00.

Justin Bieber is coming!!

Sneak Peek: X Factor USA Finale & Results

M-Net has a very special gift for us this Christmas: the star studded X Factor USA Finale & Results shows.

It's just a pity that with social media and the internet, most of us have already shaken this gift so much we already know exactly what is inside.


The finale belatedly airs on M-Net on Saturday 24 December 2011 at 18h00 and the final results show airs on Sunday 25 December 2011 at 17h00.


Who knows, we might have forgotten who won by then.

X Factor USA - Top 4 Results

Just in: pimp-tastic Marcus Canty has been arrested by the fashion police and voted off X Factor USA.

The top three remaining to compete in the finale this coming week are front runner Melanie Amaro, bluesy Josh Krajcik and the spastic robot homeboy with a heart, Chris Rene.

But who will walk away with the 5 million dollar prize?

Could it be the destitute bin man with the hungry child and the dead father, who is freshly out of rehab and a glorious beacon of hope and a homeboy all at the same time, reality television savant Chris Rene?

Or could it be the greasy thirty year old single father, with the creepy mother and the old-before-her-time teen daughter, who used to serve fast food and now haunts us with his unbelievable voice, Josh Krajcik?

It probably won't be Melanie Amaro.  Despite being the most talented contestant on a reality singing show in the past few years, her lack of personal tragedy and failure will probably be her downfall in the end.

The X Factor USA finale and results shows are airing on M-Net over the Christmas weekend.

(Unfortunately this is three days after the winner has been announced in America, so fans who would rather stay in the dark might have to go visit relatives in the Eastern Cape during that time.)

X Factor USA - Top 5 Results

Beauty may be skin deep, but Nicole Scherzinger has shown us that ugly is to the bone. After tonight's show, even the doubters have to admit that she is pretty awful. Public enemy number 1 in fact. She is after all the reason poor Rachel Crow was sent home in tears in tonight's shock elimination.

A quick recap for those that missed the show. After guest appearances from Lenny Krawitz and Mary J Blige, Marcus Canty and Rachel Crow were left in the bottom two.  Both chose old favourites as their save me songs:  Marcus with "I'm Going Down" and Rachel with "I'd Rather Go Blind".  LA Reid voted for his own, perennial bottom dweller Marcus.  Simon and Paula voted for Rachel. And rightly so. She may have had one bad song the the night before, but has consistently been streets ahead of the smooth moving but vocally insipid Marcus Canty and completely outsang him in the sing off.  Woe be unto me Nicole was tearful from the get go.  Claiming that she could not decide and would rather let the public votes count, she chickened out and voted for Marcus, sending the judges' vote into deadlock. Steve called for the results of the public vote and revealed that Rachel was to go home.  Poor Rachel sat down in shock and started bawling like a thirteen year old, calling for her mommy.  Nicole started bawling even louder and running around the stage like it was her own elimination.  Which, let's face it, it probably was. After the show, she was apparently also booed off the stage and proceeded to lock herself in her dressing room.

Initially the glitzy replacement for the too heavily accented Cheryl Cole, Nicole Scherzinger very quickly showed us that underneath that thin veneer of gorgeous was a whole lot of nasty.  Petty, insecure and downright bitchy, she did not translate onto the small screen at all.  Her blatantly insincere attempts at pretending to have heart made it even worse.  Stories about her charges claiming complete creative absence from her side abounded. Which is of course the same inactivity that resulted in the elimination of the young sweetheart of the show, Rachel Crow.

 

Yes, Rachel would mostly likely not have won, but having her go home at the hands of Scherzinger is just almost too good to be true.  Personally, I'm all for gathering mobs and burning Scherzinger memorabilia.  I'll eat my remote if that phony self centred horror is back next season. 

X Factor USA - Top 5

With no dead people to milk for ratings this week, X Factor USA had to create its own little dramas.  Simon declared war on the other judges for the "betrayal" of the previous week, even though pinkie ring Steve still couldn’t manage to get any comment from him over the elimination of Drew, whilst Nicole continued her decent into madness and full blown possession.

With only five contestants left, they got the chance to delight or bore us twice. 

In round one the contestants had to perform a hit dance song. Melanie Amaro started with a power performance of Someone Like You by Adele. The dance version.  With flashing lights and gyrating gimp suits.  Very impressive.

Pimped out Marcus Canty continued to deliver style over substance with Chaka Kahn's  Ain't Nobody. The judges still seemed intent on praising and promoting him even though his thin nasal whine does not translate to the general public.

Mini Beyonce, Rachel Crow, charmed her way through  B.o.B.'s Nothin' On You but her vocals sounded slightly strained.  The best moment came when she effortlessly put LA Reid in his place when he tried to criticise her song choice.  Such a little spitfire: might be more cute factor than X Factor, but she gets the job done.

Showing improvement on last week’s poor performance, the last remaining member of Team Nicole, Josh Krajcik growled out Rihanna’s We Found Love. When Simon and LA Reid still did not like it, Nicole gave into the dark side once again,  pushing the limits of the age restriction on the show.  Could someone please call an exorcist? There is just way too much nasty crammed into that little frame.                         

Very poor vocals from Chris Rene on TI & Rihanna's Live Your Life rounded out the first half.  He was so busy “keeping it real” that he looked part robot man part spastic clown.  The judges still seemed to love him though.

Round two delivered some more manufactured drama.  Due to a glitch with the intended Pepsi challenge, the contestants had to perform their own save me songs instead with only 24 hours notice.

Melanie aimed very high with the Witney/Mariah power duet, When You Believe and delivered the performance of the season so far.  I’m sure X Factor USA will still deliver some more petty dramas and theatrics, but this competition is essentially over. Melanie has won. Even if her sermons and that Caribbean accent are getting a bit much.

Marcus pouted and channelled Marvin Gaye.  Nicole and Paula gushed. LA Reid compared him to Muhammed Ali. Which, come to think of it, is quite accurate. 

The short preparation time hurt Rachel Crow’s performance of MJ’s Music & Me.  Pitchy and whiny, not even her sparkly smile at the end could save this stinker.   Possibly the worst performance of the night.

Josh finally got rid of the skanky dancers (a la Nicole) and returned to his former glory with Something by The Beatles. Special mention to poor Josh.  Having Nicole as a mentor cannot be easy.

Chris Rene finished the show with another of his own creations. It started off well but then went nowhere, like he didn’t have time to complete it. A very amateurish end to the show.

With over the top tension between the judges, tomorrow night's elimination promises to be another howler.

X Factor USA airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00.

X Factor USA - Top 7 Results

What goes around, comes around.  To our great amusement, Simon has been positively awful to his fellow judges over the past few weeks, last night (during the Top 7 Tribute to Michael Jackson) even referring to them as “Wiggly, Squiggly and Whatever”.  In tonight’s double elimination, Simon paid the price. Well, not really him, but one of his contestants, anyway.

In the results show, the contestants had to face the aftermath of the disastrous and tasteless Tribute to Michael Jackson.  This time without the Jackson clan.  (They were probably booked for some other tribute somewhere else. And thank goodness for that, because watching that whole family piling onto a dead horse and riding it to market is a disturbing sight.)

Chris Rene, Melanie Amaro and Rachel Crow were quickly sent to safety.  After a guest performance from rapper Tinie Tempah, the fate of the remainder of the top 7 was revealed. With only Josh between her and failure, Nicole leaped for joy when he was also sent to safety, leaving Drew, Marcus Canty and Astro in the bottom three.

In a double elimination the contestant with the lowest number of votes is sent home immediately, without any intervention from the judges.  Astro showed no surprise when his name was called. Once the sensation about his poor behaviour from two weeks ago had blown over, he was safely back where he belonged. At the bottom. He had two weeks to prepare for the moment and took it well.

Drew was inconsolable and not in a position to sing for her life.  She muddled through Roxette’s Listen to Your Heart.  Marcus Canty similarly struggled through One of Us by Gladys Knight but outperformed Drew. And then it was sweet revenge time for the judges.  LA, Nicole and Paula voted against Drew, with Simon jumping out of his seat in disgust and Drew nearly collapsing in sobs.

The rest was pure reality television melodrama.  Simon was livid and with no judges to safely take it out on anymore, poor Steve got the brunt of it, resulting in a visibly rattled Steve almost losing it as well, struggling through the remainder of his lines.  The curtains closed as Drew disappeared into a huddle of sympathetic contestants.

X Factor USA - Top 7 Tribute to Michael Jackson

It’s all about the ratings. And poor Simon must be getting desperate, because they trotted out the whole Jackson clan (mother, brothers and Blanket) for this X Factor USA Tribute to Michael Jackson.  Under the scrutiny of the Jackson parade, the remaining 7 contestants had to interpret the King of Pop’s songs without employing his trade mark nasal falsetto or random shrill hoots. No easy task. And no pressure.

Josh Krajcik opened the night with a clumsy performance of Dirty Diana. Embarrassed by the writhing scantly dressed dancers, he seemed completely out of place.  And when the mighty Josh falters, you know you’re in for a tough evening.

To cement the disastrous tone of the night, Astro rapped some self styled garbage while they played Black and White in the background, making it sadly apparent that apart from spitting and rattling like dropped coins in a gutter he cannot sing a single note. Someone needs to tell LA Reid that it takes more than an attitude and a secret handshake to make a star.

After the camera cut to Michael’s children – clearly bored and terribly unimpressed – it was ditsy Drew, alone on the stage, yodelling Billy Jean - a bizarrely inappropriate song choice. Despite previously having her tone of voice compared to MJ's, cute as a button, Rachel Crow, also faltered with a disconnected performance of Can You Feel It.

Marcus Canty, desperately trying to avoid any further elimination threats, went all out with a back flip, some very professional pumping and grinding, but ultimately boring vocals on Pretty Young Thing.  (The camera briefly cut to Blanket, looking suicidal.) Without reprieve we moved on to Chris Rene with a hip hop version of I’ll be There. Another dull and mediocre performance, hampered by sound problems.

And then Melanie Amaro strutted onto the stage with her brand new accent and attitude.  She nailed the usually shouty Earth Song, to the joy of the judges.  Blanket was still not impressed, but the consensus was that Melanie is already a star. She almost saved the night.

After milking some more ratings from the Jackson clan and numerous shouts of "I love you, Michael", Steve called the lacklustre affair quits. 

For a man that was so openly reviled and mocked during his lifetime, MJ is certainly very loved these days. They are even releasing a Michael Jackson scent soon. Once Wacko Jacko and a has-been, laughed at for attempting a final come back - now a saint that changed the world.  Yes, he was talented, but why all this tribute and scent and saint nonsense?  This is vile lecherous hypocrisy. Shame on the Jackson family. And shame on Simon for allowing this nonsense on his show.

 X Factor USA airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00.

The Voice - Season 1

2011 saw the launch of two new American singing reality series bidding to overthrow the current ratings juggernaut, American Idol.  Neither have come close to achieving that ambitious goal, but both have had a fair amount of critical acclaim.  The first was The Voice, which concluded in June of this year and the second is the currently running X Factor USA.

Whilst you might already be watching X Factor USA, few people seem to be aware that The Voice is also currently showing on South African television. In fact on the South African television: SABC3.  And yes, if you have seen it, you may be forgiven for thinking the show is five years old, because the disturbingly grainy and visually dated version of the show on view certainly looks that way.

There are four judges, Adam Levine from Maroon 5, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green and the alleged country music star Blake Shelton. (Who is Cee Lo Green, you might ask? Those in the know would recognise him as the cat from the duo Gnarles Barkley. Shame on you if like me you actually though he WAS Gnarles Barkley...) Unlike X Factor, the judges are not just mentors, but also voice coaches.  Which is maybe a stretch for the likes of Adam Levine, but hey, he is pretty and charming enough to make for good television. At the very least he could teach his charges how to pretend to be a singer as well.  Which is certainly a talent on its own.

The premise of the show is annoyingly complex.  There are three rounds:  A blind round, where the judges choose their teams based purely on their voices; the battle phase, where the contestants sing duets against each other and beat each other senseless with microphones (slight dramatic licence there); and the final live performances, which is similar to what we see on all reality singing competitions, except that the weighting of the viewers votes has been reduced to only 50%.

Despite all the different rules and complexities, it’s pretty much the same old reality singing competition in a different package. So it is debatable whether two of these shows can really run concurrently on South African television without one suffering. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be giving The Voice a try.  Cee Lo Green’s ridiculous Dalai Lama inspired outfits alone might be worth it.

The Voice airs on SABC3 on Wednesdays at 20h00   

X Factor USA - Top 9 The Results

Stellar guest performances this week from Kelly Clarkson and Bruno Mars.

The contestants huddled together for a Pink medley - with the men dressed like circus entertainers and the women dressed like S&M police women and burlesque prostitutes.  Wish they would go back to lip-synching or what the producers euphemistically call “performing live”, because as a live act the group singing together is pretty terrible. Pity then that grandpa LeRoy napping and missing his cue got them busted.

On to the eliminations.  Given that it was a double elimination, the lowest vote would go home immediately and the second and third lowest would face each other in a sing off and the judges would decide.

First up for elimination: Lakoda Rayne vs Drew.  Pretty easy one.  Goodbye, Lakoda Rayne.  Drew is through to next week. As Steve quite aptly said:  “The dream is over.”  (Boy, did those sour faces take offence!)  Thank you, America, for finally scraping the poo of the X Factor shoe.  And spare a though for poor Paula.  Must be her lowest point since Borat tricked her into sitting on the Mexicans.

In the next least popular showdown, it was Marcus Canty and LeRoy Bell.  No Brian/Astro/Bostik or whatever you want to call him.  Yes, Simon, I was disappointed too.  But there is always next week.

After solid performances from both and two pity votes from the judges for each, it was a deadlock, which meant that the one with the lowest votes from the American public would go home. Again no surprises there, it’s LeRoy Bell.  He almost seemed relieved.  I know the producers must be, because next week they can safely go back to “performing live”!

Next time, double eliminations again.  Looks like they want to wrap this show up before Christmas.

X Factor USA - Top 9

It’s Thanksgiving y’all.  And in the true spirit of the American holiday, X Factor USA devoted the Top 9 episode to songs of thanksgiving, with the contestants having to dedicate their songs to loved ones. A recipe for excessive soppiness perhaps, but after some horrible performances last week, there were ironically fewer turkeys around this time. And just in time, because the contestants are facing double elimination this week.

Before I get into the performances, an honourable mention to dear departed Stacy Francis.  You were like the Amorosa X Factor never had.  Your pathological lying and semi-psychotic mood swings spoke of true star potential. And your final performance of Amazing Grace was positively demonic. Like a train wreck, you were mesmerizing. And not in a good way. I miss you already.

And now for the remaining talent: -

“Tonight I’m thanking my mom and dad for adopting me…”

From a crack house to the X Factor stage.  No, it’s not Chris Rene yet, it’s Rachel Crow. And what an absolute delight she is. Must have rocked that crack house. The stark contrast between her girlsy sweetness and her rich voice is just a joy for the senses.  Simon has inflicted some horrible song choices on her in the past and she still managed to shine. This week she donned a pilgrim dress and proclaimed that she believes. Solid performance, but, geez, can they please stop dressing her funny?  

“I’m giving thanks this week to my mom…”

It’s the hyper-active momma’s boy, Marcus Canty.  A nasty pitchy performance. But the judges loved it. Even Simon.  I felt betrayed.

“This week I’m giving thanks to God for all that he has done for me...”

Seeing Melanie Amaro reminds me of the stories about how Mariah Carey needs to be sown into her dresses.  Chunkiness aside, she is a sparkling talent.  A winning performance from her.  And a slightly scary outburst at the end. She didn’t let rip with a “Hallelujah” but she came close. At least I don’t think she’s boring anymore. 

“…I’m giving thanks to Tim, the councillor at my rehab…”

Chris Rene is living proof that hope never dies and that drug abuse does terrible things to your teeth.  So far the "Young Homie" has failed to live up to the potential glimpsed in his first audition, unable to sing songs other than his own.  This week he relived his first audition, to great success.  Don’t know if he can trot out “Young Homie” again, so he might be in trouble next week.

“We wanted to give thanks to the people who have shaped us into who we are today.”

Each reality show has that really poor contender that just doesn’t get voted off and manages to stick to the collective shoe like toilet paper till the bitter end.  Lakoda Rayne is proving to be that competitor.  After the quick demise of the rest of the groups, they have lingered like the proverbial bad smell. This week the four sour faces harmonised Taylor Swift.  High school talent show fare.  Poor Paula can only do so much…

“This week I am giving thanks to my mom, Janice…”

At least grandpa LeRoy Bell didn’t miss his cue this time around.  An emotional performance about death and old age. Even at his most vulnerable, still pretty much a dud.

“I am giving thanks to my supporters…”

What supporters?  He can apologise till he goes blue in the face.  I’m not buying it.  Brian “Astro” Bradley’s attitude has been atrocious from when he first stepped onto the X Factor stage. Whether the product of poor parenting, bad role models or excessive nasal ingestion of glue, he has been a shining example of all that is wrong with modern society.  I couldn’t care less if he is talented. I don’t want to see him on my TV screen and I think middle America agrees with me. The voters already put him at the bottom, before his attention grabbing tantrum last week. The repeated apologies this week are too fake, too little and too late.

“Tonight I am dedicating my song to give thanks to my best friend in the whole world, Shelby.”

What? Ah, dear old Drew. Just Drew. She dropped the Jewish surname.

From humble beginnings, giggling on her flimsy little bed in adoration of a larger than life Justin Bieber poster and sporting a borrowed brown dress at her first audition, she very quickly set herself apart with that haunting folksy voice. And then she plateaued. This week she delivered a flawed but mesmerizing performance.  Probably my favourite of the night. Don’t care what LA Reid says. 

“This week I’m dedicating my song to my 13 year old daughter, Rowan.”

Josh Krajcik.  We’ve got a winner here.  The voice.  The humble back story.  The creepy mother.  This is paint by numbers stuff.  His show to lose.  Alone at that piano he is in a class of his own. A slamming end to an emotionally overcharged show.

Double eliminations tomorrow night.  Stay tuned for more.