American Idol Season 11 - And the winner is...

A belated congratulations to a Phillip Phillips for taking the crown in Season 11!  All things considered, he is probably the most talented contestant to win in the past 5 years. And he can sing too.

American Idol Season 11 - Top 3 Results

Did anybody else get a fright when previous runner up Adam Lambert started eyeing the guitar player?  Geez, haven't there been enough cringeworthy moments from this camp disaster? Please, no more!

American Idol know-it-alls are predicting that the demise of Joshua Ledet will boost the Jessica Sanchez vote as his fan base is more likely to latch onto her.  We say, forgot about logic.  Phillip Phillips will be tops simply because the hormonal teenage girl's capacity to vote is infinite.

The American Idol finale and results will be broadcast by M-Net on Thursday morning in the wee hours, starting at 03h00

Why Phillip Phillips will win American Idol

Jessica Sanchez's daddy might be a marine, but Phillip Phillips Sr provides his own reason why the American public should be voting for his son.


American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays and Sundays at 18h00

SKANK ALERT: J-Lo overload Sunday

As if it is not enough that Jennifer Lopez sits on the American Idol judges panel spewing meaningless drivel and laughing like a drain at the end of each inane comment, tonight she gets onto the stage in a skimpy outfit and gets pawed by her hunky boy toy and dancer, Casper Smart.  

Obviously now deeming the ratings for Idol sufficient for her to grace the stage, J-Lo dons a sparkly leotard and accompanied by half a dozen half naked male dancers, writhes and rubs her way through her new hit "Dance Again". The vocals are blatantly pre-recorded, but with all the stomping and wriggling, no one will probably notice.  Towards the end, she ditches the microphone and dances a breathlessly risque duet with a bulging Smart, before launching back into the finale of how she "loves to make love to you, baby".  Delightfully inappropriate, J-Lo seems intent on proving that she is not just an annoying prattling fool, but an ageing sexed-up show off as well.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays and Sundays at 18h00

Later tonight J-Lo slithers back onto our screens in the outrageously corny blast from the past horror movie Anaconda - where another bulging reptile wants to rap itself around her and eat her whole. This time the offender is a considerably more charming gargantuan CGI anaconda. Of course she coyly screams and runs - much like an infatuated 11 year old school girl running from her crush - before she eventually, in true J-Lo style, turns on the poor creature and blows it to pieces.

A camp throbbing mess, watch out for the delightfully prophetic moment where J-Lo's character - a first time movie director - bemoans her fate and proclaims that "I thought this movie would be my first big break. Instead, it's turned into a disaster." 

Anaconda airs on e.tv tonight at 20h00

Why American Idol is desperate for Phillip Phillips to be eliminated

Could it be more obvious that the judges and producers are itching for Phillip Phillips to go?  Week after week they fawn over Joshua Ledet and Jessica Sanchez and heap them with praise. Phillip, on the other hand gets a lukewarm applause and neutral comments.  Very carefully, they also avoid criticising him outright, almost as if they are afraid to stir up any sympathy votes, hoping instead that the voters will succumb to their phony apathy. 

In a more desperate move, host Ryan Seacrest has recently even gone as far as to try to torpedo Phillip's voting base by parading his girlfriend.  Where's Jessica's stage mother? She has after all been grooming little Jessica for this since the age of five. Does she not also deserve some recognition? And where's Joshua's boyfriend? Or would the producers rather prefer to keep the vote limiting revelations confined to Phillip? 

But why would they want to be so mean, you ask? 

Part of the answer lies in the past.  For the past four seasons there has been a long line of questionable winners that have had more than a few things in common.  Firstly, none of them have gone on to any noticeable success, as opposed to previous winners like Kelly Clarkson, Fantasia Barrino and Carrie Underwood, who all have a Grammy or two under the belt.  Whilst there has been no shortage of talent on the show in recent years, the truly talented ones, now, as a rule, no longer win. Voting instead seems to be motivated by other criteria, which brings us to the second point: the past four winners were all young men, reasonably attractive and white.   

So what does this mean for American Idol? And what will happen if Phillip becomes the next young white male to win? *Gasp* Imagine all the juicy conclusions one can come to then. No doubt people will even start speculating whether this could be the symptom of a disease that afflicts the American society as a whole. Oh, how they must curse those young love struck teenage girls for not being more politically correct when voting!

To make matters worse, Phillip of course has very little interest in the trappings of fame that the show immerses itself in.  He openly mocks fellow contestants who pander to the screaming fans reaching over the edge of the stage; he refuses to participate in the laughable Ford ads; he violates the ten fashion commandments of fashion deity and in house adviser, Tommy Hilfiger, deliberately wearing frumpy grey and brown outfits each week; he disregards the incoherent ramblings of the flavour of the week music mentor as well; and he trolls fellow contestants or poor Ryan whenever he can. All in all he just doesn't take the show seriously. He acts like American Idol is just a game. Like the contestants are just being exploited to make money. And to sell Fords.  

For all his quirky talent and charm, Phillip Phillips ultimately reveals just a little too much of the truth about who watches American Idol, who bothers to vote and what this show is really about.  And as we all know, in the entertainment industry the truth is a bad thing.  Which is why American Idol is desperate for Phillip Phillips to be eliminated.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays and Sundays at 18h00


See also Why Phillip Phillips will win American Idol

               SKANK ALERT: J-Lo Overload Sunday

               The Truth about Reality Television

American Idol - Top 5 Results

Is Joshua Ledet the best singer in 50 years?  Is Jessica Sanchez the second coming? These poor judges can blow as much smoke as they want, their ravings are as pointless as Coldplay bemoaning para-para-paradise. There will only be one winner: Phillip Phillips.

 American Idol is wrapping up on M-Net on Saturdays and Sundays at 18h00

WEIRD MOMENT ALERT: American Idol Top 5

Is it boyish exuberance that prompted Phillip Phillips to move in for the hug or is he trolling again? And has Joshua Ledet lost the loving feeling or does he have ISSUES?

American Idol - Season 11 Top 7 (Again) - Results

Joy! Rapture! The man-skunk is no more!  Finally America has seen the light and given Colton Dixon the boot!

In celebration of this joyous occasion, we fondly revisit our favourite Colton moments.  

 

"bible thumping stick insect with bad hair"

Colton started spouting so much religion on his Idol Twitter account that the producers had to caution him.

 

"a twelve year old school girl with the family cat on her head"

His screeching voice and vocal affectations were reminiscent of a little girl being chased around the schoolground by her first boyfriend.

and our personal favourite -

"repulsive and contrived manorexic white trash"

When Facebook photos of a healthy and normal looking Colton surfaced on the internet, it became clear just how fake his onstage persona and that ridiculous hairdo really was.

And now, finally, we can describe him the way we have longed to since the very beginning of season 11:  GONE!

American Idol - Season 11 Top 7 (Again)

American Idol season 11 is finally starting to heat up.  Last week saw the dramatic save of the judges' favourite, the 16 year old diva and plasticine high school horror, Jessica Sanchez.  Now, with all the lifelines cut, the contestants are playing for keeps and anyone can be sent back to obscurity. We take a look at who grated us most this week and who is most deserving of a speedy departure.

Man skunk in peril?  Bible thumping stick insect with bad hair, Colton Dixon took on Lady Gaga tonight and came second in a very bad way, probably chasing off half of his conservative voting base in the process. Back-chatting the judges didn't help either.

Last week's near elimination has proven just how horribly unappealing vocal powerhouse Jessica Sanchez (and her laughable so called alter ego Bebe Chez) has become. She might hit all the right notes, but she is about as real at Jenny from the Block and twice as irritating.

The extremely talented Elise Testone is like a fish out of water on the Idol stage.  She does sexy and sultry to an audience that only votes for "virgins" with purity rings and dons big orange dresses that dwarfs Ryan and the rest of the contestants.  Sadly just too old to cut it, she would have been a lot more successful on The Voice or even X Factor.

While we're at it, can someone please vote off these annoyances as well?  Lame ducks that clearly have nothing to add, they either repeat the same drivel over and over again or blatantly contradict what they said the week before. Tiresome and at times just down right fake, they are SO five minutes ago.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00 with the results shows following on Sundays at 18h00

Our take on this season's winner?  Uh, "brilliantly awkward" Phillip Phillips.  Hands down.

WEIRD MOMENT ALERT: American Idol Top 7 Results

American Idol - Top 7 Results

Shock! Horror! The American public does not like the judges' favourites! Let's be honest they probably don't like the judges much either. And in that, at least, they are not alone.

Much to the judges' dismay the three most powerful voices were in the bottom three this week. And amazingly, the least favourite was supposed front runner, Jessica Sanchez - who escaped elimination when the judges exercised "the save".

Should we really be surprised if this happens season after season?  And is it really so difficult to understand that the hordes of screaming teenage girls who actually bother to vote engage something other than their brains when doing so?

After all, has everybody already forgotten what actually got voted into the finale last year...?

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00, with the results show on Sundays at 18h00

American Idol - Top 8 Results

American Idol - Top 9 Results

Tonight Steven Tyler proved that despite the hippie hair, make up, nail polish, tight pants and aberrant sexual behaviour, he is actually just an old fart. Harshly critical of Heejun Han the week before, this time around, upon Han's elimination, he just couldn't stop himself from trying to take another shot at the Asian jokester.

Tyler revelled in his role as the bearer of bad news, and upon declining to exercise the vote to keep Han - who received the lowest amount of votes this week - in the competition, he just had to comment smugly that Han must have seen it coming.

Really? Han did not get eliminated because he wasn't taking the show seriously. He lost votes because he suddenly tried to distance himself from his previous antics, leaving his fan base stranded and confused - a move no doubt forced on him by the ever present Idol dictator Nigel Lythgoe. And let's face it, even at his worst he was considerably more entertaining than these boring judges and their terminally confusing and contradictory comments: slamming one contestant for not showcasing her upper register and praising the very next one for holding back on the high notes.

It's now wonder this show is in a spiralling ratings decline back home in America.


American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00, with results on Sunday evenings at 18h00.

American Idol - Top 10 Results

A first year marketing student could tell you that the complete overhaul of a brand is a dangerous thing.  Remember what happened when the star of Felicity, Keri Russel, chopped off her signature long curls? And Erika van Pelt did just that when she cut off her blond hair and dyed it black. 

Unsuccessful and jarring make-over = elimination.

Even though Heejun definitely crossed the line with his Top 10 send up of a Billy Joel song and ended up in the bottom three as a result, he survived.  Maybe it was the Vote for the Worst support or maybe it's just simply the fact that he was actually originally voted into the top 13, whilst Erika was dragged back in by the judges.  Either way, we will have to wait and see what happens next week to discover if Heejun's promised knock-out performance will be a good or a bad thing.

American Idol - Season 11 Top 10

As predicted Colon Dixon has started spouting religion on stage.  Can this fake piece of trash be more transparent?  Apparently he has now also started plastering so many bible verses on his Idol Twitter account that he has been cautioned by the producers.

The Top 10 performance was also a watershed moment for wannabe comedian Heejun Han.  When asked by style consultant to the show, Tommy Hilfiger, who his style icons are, he listed (fellow contestant) Jessica Sanchez, Madonna and Michael Bolton.  Seemingly in response to his bottom three showing last week, Han also came out on stage with a ridiculous performance of Billy Joel's "My Life" that prompted a clearly unimpressed Steven Tyler to remark that the music industry will kick his ass.

Anti-Idol internet phenomena Vote for the Worst has identified Han as their candidate for 2012 and are running an aggressive voting campaign to keep Han in the show.  We will have to wait for the results show to see if this is working.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00 and Sunday afternoons.

DRAMA ALERT: American Idol

Hot on the back of rumours that Stacey Francis was somehow involved in Whitney's death, American Idol is proving that it does not have to stand back when it comes to story telling psycho contestants.  Rumours are flying that the "Gentle Giant", Jermaine Jones, is in fact not so gentle, and faced at least two arrests last year, one apparently related to violence and also has outstanding warrants.  It is being suggested that he apparently also lied about being estranged from his father.  Having a criminal record is a big no-no in Idol land, so everybody is waiting with bated breath to see if he will be kicked off the show and whether self proclaimed future Grammy winner and compulsive eater, Jeremy, will be hauled back for the second time and then eliminated for a third time.

American Idol desperately tries to hold on to its previous ratings fame on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00 and Sunday afternoons.

We look forward to next week when it will probably be revealed that Colton Dixon is actually a 12 year old school girl with the family cat on her head.

American Idol - Top 24 results

The top 13 for season 11 has been announced, and it looks like a very promising season.  Just a pity there are two rotten apples that are sure to sour the experience.

Is it a grasshopper?

Is it a skunk?

No, it's Mr. Skinny Jeans himself, Colton Dixon.  Repulsive and contrived manorexic white trash, Colton revealed last night that he actually cuts his hair at home. Why are we not surprised? About as calculating as dumb can be, expect him to start spouting religion on stage very soon.  He will clearly do anything for a vote.


We just want to know, how is it even possible to walk on legs that thin?

DeAndre Brackensick.  The name says it all.

Spinning that spiral perm like a Patricia Lewis wannabe, this bizarre offspring from the Milli Vanilli era's singing voice alternates between an incomprehensible mumble and a hideous conscious altering screeching falsetto. Whilst the public has clearly had enough of this androgynous abomination, the judges dragged him back into the competition as a wild card.  Thank goodness for the mute button.

American Idol airs on M-Net on Saturday at 18h00 and Sunday afternoons. Times may vary.

American Idol - Season 11

They're back!  The most successful incarnation of the Idols franchise ever.  You know, the one where the radio personality is the host instead of a judge, where the judges are mostly sober and the contestants have stylists. Oh, and talent.

American Idol Season 11 started off with a bang when Steven Tyler told a proud father that his 15 year old daughter is "hot, humid and happening". From there it was downhill as stiff ratings competition from The Voice drove the producers to shameless exploitation of collapsing and vomiting children during Hollywood week.  With the final 24 announced and the creepy kid with the cowboy hat safely home, we can now finally take the PVR off fast forward and actually start watching the show.

So, who do we love, who will win and who needs to go home? Now!

Of the many Adele wannabe's this year, one stands out: Jen Hirsh.  Jazzy, rich and chunky, this young lady has proven that she doesn't just eat like Adele, she can howl like her too.

The best personality of 2011 has to go to the hilarious Asian anti-hero Heejun Han. When asked by Ryan what he's sweating, he replied: "Mostly water."  If he didn't burst into tears at critical moments, we would honestly have thought he was the first professional Idol troll.

Our winner for 2011 is the charming pawn shop employee with the constipated voice, Phill Phillips.  Not the best vocals, but the most unique. Definitely the best smile though.  

         VS

Most reviled is a tie between Brielle von Hugul's repulsive boozy stage  mother and the utterly contrived Colton Dixon, who is way too cool to audition (and eat, apparently.) 

American Idol Season 11 is on M-Net on Saturdays at 18h00 and Sunday afternoons.